The other day I was at a store and the cashier said “hi, how
are you?” My automatic response was “fine, and how are you?” She seemed
startled by my response, her face screwing up into a classically baffled look,
and said “I dunno, nobody ever asks me that!” That made me a bit sad. Here was
a person who deals with people directly, all day long, who seems surprised when
someone actually interacts with her.
Humans are a gregarious species; we thrive when we are
together, our words and actions have a direct impact upon those around us – and
conversely, the words and actions of others have a direct impact upon us -
because we need other people to care about us. It’s so easy to just say a kind,
polite word or to give someone a smile, yet too often we simply ignore these
basic courtesies, wrapped up in our own world.
Really, it won’t break your ass to be nice to people you run
across throughout the day. The notion that all of us are responsible only for ourselves
and our own happiness and we can’t be bothered to help someone else feel good
about themselves and others has always struck me as narcissistic nonsense. Reaching
out to others seems a much better way to be happy, rather than self-centered
navel-gazing. I’m not a particularly religious person, but one of the most
appealing things about Christ’s sacrifice was that it was done for the good of
all. He didn’t yell down from the Cross “I’m doing this for me!” I’ve known a
few ostensible Christians who might want to contemplate that.
I believe that wisdom can be found in the most unexpected
places, and in keeping with that belief, here is a quote from, of all things, a
trailer for the movie “Good Will Hunting” (a movie I didn’t even find
particularly interesting, ironically enough):
“Some people can never believe in themselves until someone believes in them.”
When I first heard that, it hit me hard. It seemed, and
seems, so true. Too often I’ve heard people say “you have to love yourself
before anyone else can love you,” but it rings false to me. It seems like a
Hollywood construct – hey folks, Hollywood
is made up of narcissistic show-offs with an overabundance of self-absorption; of course they’re gonna tell us we have
to love ourselves first! Sometimes it really does take seeing someone else
believe in you to cause you to begin to believe in yourself. We are too close
to the subject; sometimes we need to see ourselves through the eyes of others
to get a clear vision of what is strong and good within us. Sometimes it just
takes a bit of reaching out to really affect someone’s life positively.
So say “hi” back to the cashier, and ask her how she’s
doing. Call your mom and tell her you love her. Track down an old friend and
tell them they’ve been on your mind. Get in touch with that person you’ve sworn
not to talk to and patch things up. Because, gang, we don’t live forever, and
sometimes time just runs out. Make others feel good while you have the chance.
Yeah, I know, this is all PollyAnna-ish, all sissified ‘n’
shit…
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